Mimi and Poppa live 4.5 hours away. Once you do the math (2 small children under the age of 5 + 3 potty breaks each), I’m feeling good if I get there in 6. Anyone else relate?

Uh, last weekend, though, it took OVER SEVEN HOURS. I wish I could blame the boys. Nope, as you probably guessed from the title of this post, during a pit stop for gas, I locked my keys in the car. And my cell phone. AND my small children. In the middle of BFE. And, yes, I was driving solo.

I have a tendency to do this.

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For the love of AAA

For college graduation, my Nana gave me a AAA membership. So wise. Then they kicked me out of the club. Because I locked my keys in the car too many times. Apparently, there’s a limit to their locksmith generosity.

Then there was that time we decided to scalp tickets to see Live in concert. In case you don’t know the awesomeness that was Live back in the day, check them out.

We arrived at the concert venue, got out of the car, and suddenly realized I didn’t have my keys. And the car was still running. Hubby was not impressed. But the cheapo that I am was THRILLED! We got to watch the concert on the jumbotron in the parking lot – for FREE! Best concert ever: why pay for a ticket when you can sit on the warm hood of your car and enjoy the music without drunk fans scream-breathing in your ears? (While waiting for the non-AAA-locksmith.)

Which led to…

THE SOLUTION

1. Get an extra key.
2. Duct-tape it to the back of your license plate.
3. Find a random dime on the ground to unscrew plate to get the key.
4. Unlock car.

Except that was 20 years ago.

“Modern” car keys have all these electronic things in them. Lowe’s laughed at me last summer when I tried to get a key to hide behind the plate. And, no, if you’re reading this, you can’t steal my car that easily.

This brings us to…

THE REVISED SOLUTION

1. Get an extra key.
2. Duct-tape it inside your bra.
3. Wear the bra. At all times. #verysexy
4. Unlock car.

Except that I always forget to do this. So I’ve discovered that fireman make really good locksmiths.

About last weekend

Which brings me back to last weekend. Three hours into my solo, long-ass car trip with the boys, I pulled into a gas station, handed them some fancy-schmancy, spinach avocado pancakes, and hopped out of the car to pump gas. We made funny faces and peek-a-booed while the dollars, gallons and minutes ticked by. Then I went to climb back into the car…

Panic set in.

I smiled at the boys and “walked” into the gas station. Out came the tears. I locked my keys in the car. And my kids. And my cell phone.

The attendant kicked into action. It was a beautiful thing. He (praise baby Jesus) had been down this road before.

First, he called the local locksmith. Nada – they refuse to help if kids are involved. I don’t know why, I didn’t press the issue because:

Next, he called the fire department and BINGO!

He handed me the phone. The conversation with the dispatcher went like this:

I locked my keys – AND KIDS – in the car.

Ma’am, calm down. What are their ages?

4 and 2-and-a-half. (I’m not sure why “and-a-half” was important.)

Are they strapped in their child seats?

Yes. (I’m a safety mom.)

Can they undo the harnesses?

Of course not! (I was highly insulted she’d think they could do such a thing. Who wants to fight with your kid while driving 70 on the highway because he decides to unharness himself and refuses to reharness? But I’m naive, because there’s that incredible story about the 5-year-old who saved her family during a car crash. So you might not want to follow my lead on this.)

Well, some children can work the straps and you can coach them through unlocking the doors. Then again, some kids are just ornery and refuse to help. Ha ha ha!

Um…

We’ll send a crew out to help you.

I ran to the restroom. Because I hadn’t peed in 2 hours. And because, well, the boys were locked in the car. If they could get out, we wouldn’t be in this predicament. Plus, if someone tried to steal them and my car, I’d be, like, “Hey, man,” (cuz aren’t car thiefs always men?) “Thanks for breaking in so I can get my keys and kids.” And the gas station attendant guy would rally all the man’s-man patrons wearing baseball caps and camouflage to beat up the creep. Then the firemen would arrive to lock him up. And the boys would have a really great story for daycare. So, yes, I peed.

I went back out to the car to smile at the boys and play more peek-a-boo. And I danced around because I was freezing. Also in the car: my coat. A lovely woman placed her jacket over my shoulders. Everyone in rural Virginia was rooting for us.

Together, we waited for the cavalry. Who arrived with sirens wailing and lights flashing. They even brought along an ambulance. In case they had to use the jaws of life? My boys thought it was A-MA-ZING.

20 minutes later we were back on the road. Without further incident.

I’ve got a new strategy for the next trip…

THE BEST SOLUTION

1. Get an extra key.
2. Hook it on one of those bracelet-wrap-things or stash it in a sporty, sequin-covered, fanny pack.
3. Wear bracelet (or fanny pack). At all times. #verychic
4. Unlock car.

Or maybe I should just stop driving solo.

Share your car key safety tricks below or on Facebook at MothersRest.

Photo credit, featured image: Daryn Bartlett from Unsplash.com